Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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