your parents love me but you hate me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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