ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
