the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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