fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
