This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
