whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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