How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
