Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
