do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize