Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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