i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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