my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
