Tell her she can't have a vagina
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
