There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
