i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
