we made out on top of his cat.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I enjoy the company of your penis
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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