If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
