I smell stomach acid.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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