If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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