I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Actions speak louder than pants.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
