Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
