Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
