i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
