mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My hand turned me down
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
