it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
