I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
