You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my shit smells like andre
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Randomize
