drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
