One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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