Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
