"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
