when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
