I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
