Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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