Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize