Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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