Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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