if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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