i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
