If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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