If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
