you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
