I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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