TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
