How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
