Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
