You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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