I'm gonna have a badass scar
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
