I think my vagina is haunted
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
