You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize