Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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