I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
