You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
