i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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