So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
