I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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