Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
