TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
