Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
