Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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