STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
