I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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