Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize