Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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