I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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