the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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