sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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