Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
