so that wasnt chicken after all
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
