Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
