Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
