I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
