I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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